The night ended at 3 am with us staggering back up the hill other drunken English lads were rolling down. We had decided to end on a high and not drag it out into the early hours. I stuck with David, maintaining my oath to ensure he wasn’t getting into any trouble or hurt only a few weeks before the Big Day. Other lads carried on the night and next morning , barely made it down to breakfast in time. They looked rough as heck and were not in a good way for today’s activity.

I’d organised a (ridiculously expensive) taxi bus over to the other side of the island where we had chartered a yacht for the day. We had all dressed up as Pirates and were taking on the open ocean to find, catch and generally molest and humiliate a mermaid (David). Preparing for this trip I had bought a shiny sequin covered green dress that was to be his fish tail. I had ordered XL size but when it arrived, not even I could get into it. I had to ask Mum to sew in an emergency panel and something to tie it up with. It just about fitted him, which made it all the more funny. I had also sourced a red hair wig, made of the finest and itchiest polyester available to child labour. Topped off with a set of very un-convincing plastic shells making up a bra. The lads also went to town on his face with lipstick and eye shadow….

The resulting melange of shiny colour, transvestitude, biceps and hair was just too much to take. We could barely contain ourselves sitting in the bar waiting for the skipper to arrive. People kept walking past and doing a double take when they realised they weren’t having a nightmare looking at this hulking great man-mer-monster-maid.

Our skipper turned up and was flustered when he explained that he thought we had booked for tomorrow, not today. Well I can’t remember what was agreed, but on my calendar it said it was today and we had just caught an early and expensive taxi over here, so it was going to happen today. He was understanding, but needed an hour to prepare the boat and get some beers and food for us so we sat around in the cafe recovering from our hangovers. I also went off and got some anti-sea-sickness tablets so I could properly enjoy the day.

On the boat we set sail up the coast, music blasting and beer swigging. It was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for Piratey Skullduggery. Reaching a cove next to a military base (which I thought was ironic) we dived into the sea and swam around. There was even a plank we made David walk. For being so close to the shore, it was surprisingly deep. We even saw some of Davids fishy relatives with some snorkel gear that was on the boat.

Here we stayed for lunch which was a huge platter of salad, cheese, jamon and bread. Again, the food out here is just perfect, there is just nothing better than a ton of tomatoes, bread, salt and olive oil. Unfortunately the reason our skipper had thought we were coming tomorrow soon became apparent, Racoons*

We packed up and made our way back across to the port. The sun had disappeared behind angry clouds and the wind picked up. This gave us a perfect opportunity however to do some real sailing. Up to this point we had just been cruising along using the hefty diesel engine. This is fine, but even with the anti-sea-sickness tablets I had taken, I was feeling ill. I just hate the smell of boat diesel. Coupled with waves and hot still air, I’ll produce a puddle of vomit so regularly you could set your calendar by it. Now we were whipping along with two huge red sails above us, completely without mechanical power. It was incredible! 

The boat was originally built by a rich German business owner who had seen this design in Italy. He commissioned two boats to be built (I forgot why two) so he could sail around the world. This was when he was reasonably successful in his mid life and by the time the trip had been planned and postponed several times, he was too old and had to give up the dream. It was absolutely heartbreaking to hear that this gorgeous vessel had been built and prepared and maintained for so long, ready to make an epic trip that had just never occurred! Instead it was being reasonably well cared for so that parties of drunken nobs could spend half a day getting pissed, posing on deck like pirate idiots….

It’s just not a fitting end to the boats story and I really hope, eventually, someone finds it and gives it the opportunity to complete its built purpose. It also struck me deeply that the business man was so successful and clearly rich enough to have a gigantic boat custom built, yet he never got to enjoy it and fulfil his dream. He was working and busy with other things (that he obviously enjoyed) that this dream drowned to death in his work life. I hope that I never let my dream** die that death. It seems that so many do, but what is a life of work without a story of some sort of adventure?

One of the lads had been shirtless for the whole day and now it had started to blister with sunburn… The puss and sweat was sticking to his shirt and by the time the evening meal rolled around, his whole back was a mess. The culmination of last nights exuberance, the relatively early start and all day on a boat shouting “Argh Me Heartys” meant we were all pretty knackered. 

That evening we took it slower and tried to get pissed in the hotel bar by the pool. This was no easy feat as the alcohol that was All Included, was terrible. I’m sure just down the coast mechanics use it to degrease engines. However, not one of us was to lose face backing down, we all either suffered the paint stripper or emasculated our ego’s by drinking peach schnapps while claiming it was paint stripper. Soon a karaoke DJ turned up and set up her booth. The hotel bar was all hard surfaces and it had been raining so the doors were shut meaning the echo of drunken warblings was intolerable, even to our intoxicated ears. 


We soon left and wandered along the main strip. This was a more sedate affair than last night and we just found a reasonably well price bar and sat and watched the night pass by. We took this as night to prepare for our last big night tomorrow. 

*You never say the R word when water falls from the sky. It just goads the gods of Sod and his law.

**My dream is to cross as many countries as possible by motorbike. Specifically I want to motorbike out into the middle of the Mongolian grasslands to camp and look at the stars. I also want to circumnavigate the medeterranean sea. Nothing but money stopping me doing the first, but I’ll need some countries to stop fighting each other for a while to achieve the latter.