Kuala Lumpur Meltdown

We must be getting old. The drink last night is kicking our butts this morning. Tho, some more than others…

We had ourselves a late breakfast, packed up, checked out and then hung around waiting for our taxi van to the airport. The lobby is a typical high ceiling, open plan affair with snazzy rattan seating. But in Thailand, because its always hot, all the walls are windows and they all bifold so are always open wide. This looks great, especially when its raining. It feels really odd, sitting inside with no walls watching the rain thunder down. And this was proper wet season heavy Thai monsoon rain, not some nambly pambly British pissing contest. The street is quite steep and you could see torrents of water flowing down. Water was sheeting off roofs so fast it was, no joke, missing the gutter entirely and just shooting straight off. Wisely, a local cat slunk into the lobby and came over for some butt scratches to avoid the downpour.

As always at the end of a trip, you have some left over cash. It’s not quite enough to convert to the next currency, so at the airport we spent it on cheesy toast; something we had both been missing.

The flight was uneventful, they are basically buses that fly at this point. But when we got to Kuala Lumpur (KL) we found the train to take us into town. After only a few mins of waiting a girl in a yellow hat came up and introduced herself as (maid) Maryam. She has just travelled from Bali, where the airline had left her bag. So shes stuck in KL without it and had to go airport clothes shopping to get by. By an incredible coincidence, shes staying in the same building as us!

On the train, she explained her dramatic ordeal. How she lay it on thick, in full diva mode, to the lost baggage clerk. And how she was being decisive and direct with her new boyfriend. She’s 31 and knows what she wants from life so he better get on board or get off the platform because “there are others waiting in line” – her words.

Unmetaphorically getting off the platform in KL Sentral, we looked to find the train to the stop near our building. But Maryam was all over this with a Grab taxi, the equivalent of Uber for Asia. It cost just over £1 for the ride which was nice of her.

We parted ways in the atrium courtyard of the Regalia building and I set about working out how to get to our Air BnB apartment. It was like a crystal maze challenge, or a treasure hunt, where the prize was a bed for the night. By this point it was past 10pm and we were knackered so i left Aimi guarding the bags while I ran around finding all the clues. First I had to find the right atrium out of 3 buildings and 2 hotel entrances, in amongst shops and cafes. Then input a code to a Lockbox in which was a number of labelled envelopes, only 1 of which was ours. It also contained a registration form and to fill out and a lift access card. I filled out the form and the. Had to return it to a guard on the door of the building and use the card to access the lift to level 24 – even tho our flat was called A23a01. Then at our level we walked around and found our door, next to which was another lockbox into which we put a code, to retrieve the final keys, unlocked our door and claimed our reward – PHEW

Except, it was an absolute shit show of an apartment. I mean we booked one of the cheapest places, so we weren’t expecting 5☆ concierge service and feather pillows. But we were expecting somewhere that was at least clean and safe. But this place gave off a post apocalyptic crack house vibe, granted, with clean sheets but that was about the only saving grace. Anyway, being so tired we rolled with it, ordered Dominoes pizza (because why not) and went to sleep.

If you’re interested, here is the list of things wrong I’ve sent to the booking agent about the apartment… along with a team America strongly worded letter explaining how angry we are…

  • Electrical cables hanging out the fuseboard is dangerous
  • Leak in the bathroom ceiling dripping on our heads and onto the washing machine is dangerous. Could cause an electrocution!
  • Extractor fan is off balance and vibrates really loudly. Its so bad that the whole apartment shakes and means you cant use the bathroom light at night because you’ll wake people up.
  • Light not working in the bathroom, it is dark and makes it hard to shower safely
  • Sink in bathroom drains really slowly.
  • Curtain rail is hanging off the wall, nearly broken, so its difficult to use without breaking it.
  • Washing machine in the bathroom is blocking the door and there are cables and pipes going all over the place. 
  • Only 1 drinking glass in the whole apartment is just not enough
  • Random screws left in the wardrobe
  • Windows and curtains are dusty and need a clean, so does the ceiling fan.
  • Top of the microwave, top of wardrobes all dusty and greasy.
  • The kitchen drawer front is hanging off with a huge gap and the metal trim is loose

Notice that I’ve said nothing about the decor or age and shabbiness of the furniture or fittings. Let alone the creepy corridor from all zombie films with the one flickering light bulb and a dark figure lurking at the end… No, I’m happy with old and tired in exchange for a cheap room, but it still has to be clean, safe and working… right!?