Proposing A Fight

So we are engaged and this now opens up the whole unknown road of actually getting married….

Where to begin?

*Finds App*

Turns out there’s an app for that!

Why not? I mean we met thru a dating app, and that seems to have worked out alright so may as well continue the trend. Aimi found it and linked us together in the app so we are both working on the same list. Flicking around the app it quite helpfully gives you a timeline of actions and due dates for all the things that you need to do. It certainly is helpful for anyone who struggles to organise their thoughts and manage their time. 

It also presents an easy to access list of venues around the country, of various price points and styles. You can skim through at your leisure, looking at photos of the rooms, the halls, the gardens and other peoples weddings. We both immediately gravitated towards the barns and old houses and tent weddings. The rough but chique style appeals to us both, which is a good start. But the app doesn’t show you the venues that your partner-to-be is interested in, which seems crazy. Why else is the app linked to both mine and Aimi’s accounts?

Actually…. It doesn’t link ANY of the vendors across our two accounts. We had been looking at venues and getting completely bogged down. There are so many to choose from an so started looking at photographers and honeymoons. Which ever ones we “liked” in the app, weren’t able to be shared with each other to discuss if we both mutually liked them. Seems a ridiculous limitation of the app… But, maybe we can just use it to find the venues we like, as they are all neatly arranged and searchable. We found one or two that we liked and sent off a couple of enquiries. 

Something which I was not looking forward to, was organising our families and friends. Who was coming to which part, how many, which people were eating and which were just evening guests… But the app did have a guest list function where you just pulled in details from your contacts and then grouped them depending where they needed to be in the proceedings. It also helped organise who was at which table for dinner which was clever. But then I found out, you could only send the info to card printers and the venue. There was no way to download it and use it outside the app!! That was the last straw….

I’m all for using apps, but this is a very special and bespoke day we are planning. If I cant do it my way, I’m not using your service….. I bashed into the review section of the app store.

Having ditched the app, we started feeling very overwhelmed with organising everything. It seemed that the first thing to do was decide on a venue and there-by a date. We prefer to get married next year in spring, but then have to base our venue choice on what’s available, not what we like best… Neither of us want to do it in winter 2023 particularly but that’s the soonest availability at some of the venues. That is too much of a compromise. 

We also have been looking at the style of wedding and not feeling very excited by the sheer rigidity of the industry. Everyone says “this is your day” but really all hotels have a “wedding package” where you can change bits and bobs but really it’s there are only superficial choices. Like, white chair covers or cream, or cake before speeches or after, or small medium or large flower arrangements. We would get some pretty photos that look exactly like everyone else’s, the food would be fine, the venue would be adequate and it just wouldn’t be very personal to us. Especially when most venues don’t allow pets and we want our Kayto to be part of the day! He’s our little fluff baby who makes up a 1/3rd of our family. That’s like a hotel not allowing kids – how ridiculous! He is certainly less messy than a kid and I’d argue much cuter for longer than a kid…. But I digress…

We realised the lack of enthusiasm we were feeling was mainly because we felt we had to choose a stereotypical hotel of which none appealed to us. It just wasn’t our style. Then, from somewhere, the idea of eloping to Scotland appeared and both of us sighed and relaxed. Aimi is not keen with the spotlight on her, and I don’t like the fake shiny things hotels were offering, and neither of us like following the herd (other than Highland cows – more on that later) so eloping felt much better. 

Also from a boring and practical point of view, we love each other and while a celebration of our love is very nice, having a corporate wedding is very expensive… like painfully expensive to the point of lunacy. I know any sort of celebration will cost some money, but surely it makes sense to spend large chunks of money on the things that make our whole life better, not just one day of it? I would rather invest big money in something that will provide for our whole lives. Whatever happens we will enjoy looking back at our wedding photos when we are wrinkly and old, whether we spent £3,000 or £30,000. But I’d rather be doing this holding hands on a beach holiday somewhere having enjoyed a comfortable and action packed life from the proceeds of my boring investment.

Eloping means we can do exactly what we want, how and where we want and not worry about upsetting anyone or catering for particular needs and we can reduce our overall costs a bit and plan for the future.

Our day will truly be “our day”.